Crave by Blue Kaye

Author:Blue, Kaye
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2019-10-03T16:00:00+00:00

* * *

Viktor

I held Janelle for as long as I could, longer than I should have, but finally, I knew the time had come.

“We need to get cleaned up.”

She had been lazing in my arms, awake but quiet.

“Are we going somewhere?” she asked, no alarm in her voice, at least not yet.

“No. I’m going somewhere. You’re staying here.”

“I— Okay.”

She wanted to argue, had been on the verge of arguing, and I wasn’t sure what it meant that she didn’t.

Which is exactly why what I was doing was so stupid.

I couldn’t deny that Janelle affected me, that she had changed everything.

But I wanted to keep her safe, and for that to happen, I needed to get my head together.

“You aren’t going to argue?”

“Would it make a difference if I did?” she responded.

She was on the defensive, something I didn’t want and something I worked quickly to soothe.

I gripped her chin between my fingers and then leaned forward, pressing a kiss against her mouth.

I froze for a moment, noting how great it felt, how perfect to kiss Janelle like she was mine, like I had every right to and always would.

It was something I could get used to, something I would be a fool to get used to.

Something I knew I would always crave.

But I pushed those thoughts aside and focused on what mattered now. And that, more than my desire, more than hers, was keeping her safe.

“I wouldn’t leave you if I didn’t have to. But I have to.”

She looked at me a moment then finally nodded.

“Okay,” she said.

It meant a lot, the trust that she was giving me, trust I knew I didn’t deserve.

I looked away, my head down, shame heavy and thick threatening to overcome me.

There was no place for that, not here, not anywhere in my life, but I felt it now.

To think of what could have happened to her, what I could have done…

I shifted, tried to pull away, but Janelle didn’t let me.

Instead she stuck her finger under my chin just as I had done hers and lifted her eyes to meet mine.

Then she leaned forward slowly and kissed me.

Another little piece of my heart fell away, and I pulled myself out of her arms.

It wasn’t like doing so would save me from this, these feelings that I didn’t understand, feelings I had absolutely no experience with.

I didn’t think anything would.

But instead of thinking about that, thinking about all that wouldn’t be, I kissed her and then stood.

I dressed quickly but didn’t look at Janelle.

I needed to be fully focused, needed to have my mind in order.

But just before I left, I held her tight, pulled her into my arms and pressed a hard kiss against her lips.

And then I forced myself to leave.

I lingered, making sure that the safe house hadn’t been compromised, and then made my way to my destination.

I hadn’t told Janelle how long it would take, because in truth I didn’t know. The email that had summoned me hadn’t said, and ordinarily, that would have been reason enough to ignore it.

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